27 Dresses, 27 Lessons Learned.

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Every dress has a story, just like every birthday holds a year of memories and lessons learned.  Recently I cleaned out some of those dresses, whether it was because they didn’t fit, they were old, they just never got worn or I just plain didn’t like them anymore.  The same goes for what I am taking with me into year 28, I have done some thinking, some soul cleansing and this is what I am taking with me,

  1. Fight for what you believe in, with all of your heart, no matter what, because no one else is going to do it for you.
  2.  Give back when you can because you can.
  3. Waiting doesn’t get things done.  Go and get what you want.
  4. I will never settle. I don’t have to.
  5. I have an amazing family.
  6. Traveling the world has made me who I am and I am far from done.
  7. Every girl needs a little black dress.
  8. I’ve been a Bridesmaid and a Maid of Honor, but being a Groomswoman far surpasses them all.
  9. The honor of being asked to be a Godmother has instilled a sense of responsibility in me that I am beyond excited to carry out.
  10. Sometimes you just have to bust out the “happy dance” and celebrate.
  11. Everyone has their opinion of your life.  Listen, but trust you heart, you know yourself the best.
  12. Sports and good beer are key.
  13. Not everyone is going to like me.  It’s cool.
  14. No one ever references a little leap of faith.  Believe in your self and leap, its so worth it!
  15. Meeting new people never gets old.
  16. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming…
  17. Independence is a powerful thing.
  18. I am worth way more than 2nd place.
  19. I will never understand the cultural obsession with vampires and Twilight.
  20. Friends come and go, but the true ones remain no matter the circumstances, the distance, or the differences. I have some pretty amazing ones.
  21. Helping other people, helps you help yourself.  What you put into the universe is what you get back.
  22. Really take the time to recognize what you have in life, acknowledge it and be thankful.
  23. Sometimes you just have to sweat it out.
  24. At some point you will realize you have to let go. Breathe in, breathe out, move on.  You will be better for it.
  25. I wear my heart on my sleeve.  I have tried not to, but that’s not me. I love with all my heart, cry with all my heartache and learn from every experience. I give my all because anything less is unacceptable.
  26. Bad days happen, cry is out, stomp, and scream, its ok because they make you stronger.
  27. There is nothing wrong with being single.  One day I will be married and have children… key word ONE DAY, there is no rush.

I think often times I let myself get too caught up in what the world needs from me and lose sight of what I need from myself.  I can get so consumed with getting the job done, making the client happy, making my family happy, making it to the party, my next date, volunteering at the next event… the list goes on and on and on, that I forget some of these lessons learned.  The demand for success can be so overwhelming that when I am faced with failure or disappointment, in any aspect of my life, that it crumbles me to the core.  And thats when those 6 words come out.  The six words that encompass all of those 27 lessons learned.  Those six words are my mantra. So here I am 28, self-employed, successful, happier than happy, thankful for how far I have come and my journey to get here and living by my mantra.  There are times when I close my eyes and say it in my head and other times I feel the need to shout it from the rooftops,

“I AM ME. I AM STRONG.”

So I’m ready. Twenty-eight, here I come with all I am and all I have learned, full speed and full of strength with some pretty awesome dresses. Watch out world 28 is going to be an amazing year!

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The Power of Girlfriends

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Girlfriends are a powerful force to be reckoned with. Trust me, I know.

I am very fortunate to surround myself with friends, those who live close by and around the world. I have friends that I met 3 months ago and some I have known since kindergarten. The guys I can watch football with and the girls I can go out dancing with. They are all great people that make my life amazing, but there are a few ladies who are in my life and are truly exceptional.

After a particularly trying week, they were the first ones I called. I made calls to Virginia Beach, Orlando, Lynchburg and Northern Virginia. It does not matter if I haven’t talked to them in a couple hours or a couple months, they answer and they listen, just like they know I would do for them. Three of them are married, one has a kid (and another on the way), one has a demanding government job, they all have their own lives and responsibilities, but no matter what, they answer and they listen.

While no one could have predicted the week that would lead up to Friday, we had all already planned to spend Friday evening in King George for the final football game at “The Pit.” For those of you who are not familiar with “The Pit,” it was the stadium where we spent fall friday nights all through high school. It was the stadium where every football game and soccer game were played. When they shut “The Pit” a couple years ago because it was deemed “not suitable for play,” it was like closing a chapter in the lives of all those kids who had graduated from and played sports for King George High School. It was the end of an era. Seriously. So this Friday, the reopened “The Pit” for one last game. They invited alumni back and celebrated the memories we all hold close to heart. The Foxes stomped W&L, the energy was electric and it only seemed fitting – a 40-0 win :) One last game at “The Pit.”

Not only did we celebrate the memories, but we celebrated being together. We giggled over the band stories, the football players, the cheerleading stories, the remember-whens. And what do you do after football… go to King’s, duh! Only one thing had changed, now we are old enough to drink beer… well, legally. I wish I could explain to you how happy my heart was that evening just being in the same room with these exceptional ladies that I am lucky enough to call my best girlfriends. My foundation.

We have all been through a lot since we graduated high school – weddings, kids, heartbreak, house fires, travels, moving, college, good times, bad times, laughter and tears and through it all those friendships have withstood it all. We are all different, but thats what makes us strong. Some of our families have since left King George and some are still there. Its probably once every couple years that we are ALL together and its something to treasure and lets be honest something worth seeing. I am pretty sure there is a good reason they put us in the back corner of King’s Friday night.

I don’t know if I could count the collective years of friendship between us, but I know that I can count on them, without a doubt, anytime of day or night. If I even attempted to start listing the memories, I might as well start writing a book. All in all, these beautiful, successful, amazing women are my foundation, my rock and my sanity. They are there when no one else is and they don’t judge… they call it like they see it, but they don’t judge, and for that I am eternally grateful.

I almost feel like I am struggling to write this because I cannot really find the words to express how grateful I am to have them in my life. I could never replace them or even come close. I value every difference and opinion they bring to table. I hope that I can be the friend to them that they have been to me. I look forward to the years ahead and the now that will become the “remember-whens.” I look forward to seeing them grow in their own lives and hold their hands when they need my support. They have taught me so much and I know they have much more to teach me… you’d agree too if you know them. They’ll tell it to you straight, without a doubt. I didn’t know you could over cook Ramen, but I learned that this weekend… Honesty all the time, even at 2am.

I hope you all are lucky enough to have friendships like the unique and special ones I have found in these women. Ones that make you a better person and show you that true friendships can not be weakened by distance or time. True friendships are hard to come by, but when you find them, even if its in the 5th grade, you hold on because its worth every minute.

“Friendship… is not something you learn in school. But if you haven’t learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven’t learned anything.” – Muhammad Ali

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Changes

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So once again 6 months have flown by and I have neglected my blog. I have been slacking big time. Yet every day over the past 6 months something has happened…something that has changed the direction of my life when I least expect it. Each time I say, “I’m going to write” and I don’t… its disappointing.

Here I am now, a life changing moment. I am walking away from the past 2 and a half years of a steady paycheck, paid vacation, benefits, and knowing what tomorrow will be. I am walking away from the monotony that had become my life. The misery of life without excitement and change, fueled by frustration and disappointment day after day after day. I have come to the conclusion that while I thought I was a really strong person, my strength had been challenged to a breaking point. I broke. I didn’t just break, I shattered.

Then a couple people said to me, “Martina, what is going on, you have lost your spark.” It made me stop and see that I really had. I was making excuses for being miserable, I was tired of complaining about my life, I was tired. Stress is a wearing emotion. It is heavy and powerful and changes a person from the inside out. I always told myself I wouldn’t be one of those people who was miserable all the time. I have friends who hate their jobs, but keep on keeping on because of the security of their paycheck and the fear of taking a step into the unknown. While I had lost that spark and it took a little digging to find it again I had yet to let that fear take over my life. I am fearless. Its who I am.

So here I am. My last day at United Way. I am walking away from the security of monotony and I couldn’t be happier. Am I a little nervous that all this contract work I am doing could fall apart at any time, YES!, but its the thrill of the challenge that has put that spark back in me. I find my self giddy stupid happy about the littlest things again. I chuckled at myself the other day, thinking… “What am I 12?”… nope I am Martina… AGAIN. I have found me again. I couldn’t be happier. And because I am happier and made a conscious decision to be happier it has come back to me 10 fold.

I am moving into a job that I have built for myself, I have a new challenge in front of me every day, I am enjoying my friends and family and appreciating them way more than I have been able to. I have met a few new people who I am lucky to have as a part of this new journey. My god, a guy told me I was pretty the other day and I let him… I didn’t doubt him, I didn’t question his motives, I just smiled and let my heart be happy and believe he really meant it.

Change can be scary and it can be challenging, but it is powerful. There is no excuse not to be happy, not a TRUE excuse anyway. I will leave you with this… in a conversation the other day with a friend, who is taking a risk similar to mine, we talked about taking a BIG LEAP OF FAITH. He said, “Do you ever hear people talk about little leaps of faith? No, people talk about the big ones because those are the ones that are life changing.”

Find your happiness and leap :)

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Believe it and it WILL happen.

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I will raise $10,000 in 4 weeks so that my buddy can get his transplant.

Thats a big statement, huh?  Since my original post on Thursday afternoon, followed by my sister’s response on Thursday night, we have all just run with it.  A PayPal account has been set up because we had readers chomping at the bit to give, to help a friend, whether they had even met Chris or not.  Its an amazing feeling to see people rally and so eager to give in support of a person they may not even know.  Yesterday was a day that restored my faith in the goodwill of the world.

In response to those posts we got Paypal and a simple website set up to tell Chris’ story.  It blew my mind that by 9pm the needle on the thermometer was already moving.  $552 dollars and close to 300 views on the website and we had only released the website at 5pm.  Lia worked her ass off all day on the site and the final product couldn’t have been any better.

Upon returning home from work, I was again greeted with another little piece of goodwill.  There was a card in the day’s mail hand addressed to me.  The card, heavier than normal, had a return address I recognized.  Inside was not only a note that put tears in my eyes, but a Christmas ornament that I will cherish forever.  My Uncle Bruce passed away a couple years ago to cancer and in his memory I held a birthday party this past December in the efforts to have my friends join the National Bone Marrow Registry.  My Uncle Bruce received a bone marrow transplant during his battle, but it was not enough and unfortunately he is no longer with us, but his spirit lives in my heart.  I invited his wife Nancy to attend the drive along with his daughters, all of whom I had not seen since his funeral.  This card was a note from Nancy thanking me for remembering Bruce and honoring his memory. It was a simple note saying that Bruce loved trains and with the purchase of this train ornament there was a tree planted in his honor.  It overwhelmed my heart.

My day didn’t stop here though.  I spent the entire evening at a fabulous event  supporting the great work of Big Brothers & Big Sisters.  Sunset Lanes was filled with volunteers, donors, supporters, Bigs, Littles and everyone in between, bowling to raise money to  ensure the good work of a great organization.  To see the Littles who are lucky to benefit from these programs and the Bigs who give their time to those kids that need it most.  The energy and enthusiasm in that bowling alley was contagious. Although not contagious enough to make me a good bowler.  I am pretty sure I bowled more gutter balls then any other human being at the event.  Talk about impressive.

A day full of great people and goodwill is a powerful thing.  While people thanked me for all of the great work I do I really had to stop and think.  I wish I could tell people over and over I don’t do it for the recognition or for the thanks. I do what I do everyday because its easy and its not something I have to think about.  If my parents taught me anything, it was that at the end of the day we are all the same and if you have the ability to help you have no reason not to.  I love the people in the life and I am thankful I have the opportunity to give back.  I hope you have the opportunity to, as well :)

Happy rainy Saturday :)

Life is My Motivation

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My life has been a swirling tornado of emotions lately.  A lot of you know the intricacies of that statement and some of you have no clue and its probably easier to leave it that way.  The past 24 hours, though, have been a real game changer for me. The past 24 hours have really made me stop and realize there is so much more to life and there is so much about life to motivate me.

Life is always going to be a waiting game.  Whether that means waiting for the right job, the paycheck at the end of the week, family problems to fix themselves, friends to get to the bar, the sun to come out after the rain, the phone to stop ringing, the gas to get cheaper, your wedding day to arrive, your kid to take his or her first steps… its all a waiting game.  In that wait though you find other things to occupy your time, you come across choices – keep waiting or do something about it, quit waiting and move on, but no matter what life goes on and every day there is another reason to get up and start your day.

Lets start with a text message I received last night that was a real wake up call for me.  I have a dear friend who is currently at Duke Medical going through evaluations to be placed on the transplant list for a double lung transplant.  This will be his SECOND lung transplant.  That text message asked me to help raise the money to save his life, to cover the costs needed to do the transplant.  If you weren’t awake when the first text message came through, you sure as hell will be when you get that one.  At that point I sat in bed for hours, my mind racing, how to raise the money, how strong he is, how I wish I had as much strength and endurance as he does, who could I get to help me with this task, how my heart bled for him because I just wanted to make everything ok… I’m a fixer… you should know this by now.  But all in all, I thought to myself, how minuscule this made my stressful, terrible, crappy day seem.

Fast forward to this morning.

I went to the monthly breakfast for the Association of Fundraising Professionals (AFP).  I was particularly interested in the topic that morning, Social Media for Non-profits.  Sarah Milston of Milston Consulting gave a fabulous and insightful presentation on fundraising and social media and how it should be used by non-profits in order to be successful.  What caught my attention was throughout her presentation she cited projects that were financially successful through the usage of blogs, facebook, twitter, etc.  When we reached the example of the 4 moms in Richmond who started Pennies in Protest  she talked about how these 4 moms, with the support of our community, raised $14,000 in one week.  This effort to turn the hateful visit of Westboro Baptist Church in Richmond into something positive is a perfect example of how a couple people can make big change.  Its a perfect example of how life motivates us to do good, contribute and understand we can be the catalyst for big change.  I know I can take this motivation and make change too.

Where do I find my motivation?  Even when life gets shitty, work gets stressful, people disappoint me and I just want to lay on the ground and have a good ‘ol temper tantrum… I have to find that motivation in me (sometimes it takes longer than others), take some deep breaths and realize I am my own motivation.  My goal in life to be a good person, be a good friend, daughter, sister, VCU Rams fan, traveler…. the list goes on… it lives in me.  Sometimes it takes little reminders, like my past 24 hours, to put things in perspective.  As a friend, I will work my ass off to make sure my friend gets that transplant.  I can’t imagine what it takes to ask for help in situations like that, but it is a quality I will admire in him forever.  It is a quality I will strive to emulate… asking for help when you need it most.

So for me, today, even after a couple shitty days in a row, my motivation is to help a friend.  To make change in my community and do good, big or small.  I know this may sound cheesy and cliche, but its what it took for me today, Thursday.  Friday might be different, but no matter what there’s always a reason for me to start my day.

*******UPDATE:  A paypal account has been set up for anyone who is interested in donating for our friend’s double-lung transplant. Thank you all for your genorosity and help! If you’re interested in more information and keeping up with Chris’ status, you can learn more at: http://christophernalley.com or if you’d like to donate please click the button below:

Sara says it best!

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Pandora gets me through the day and some days I need the medicine and rationality of music more than others.  I love music because usually when you are least able to express an emotion one of your favorite artists can do it for you, much more clear and much more eloquent.  Music soothes my soul, relieves my stress and just makes me happy.  And lets be honest, when a good song comes on, no matter how shitty your day has been, you forget it all… sing at the top of your lungs and dance like nothing else matters.  It just makes sense!

I have had a particularly rough week for more reasons than one.  I have tried to write and tried to explain and tried to destress, but nothing was working.  I needed that ONE song, that RIGHT song at the RIGHT time.  Thank you Sara Bareilles.  She got it, right on point.  And after the song ended on Pandora, I’m not gonna lie, I went right to YouTube and listened again.  I needed to hear it twice because it just made me shout… In my head of couse!!

“Yeah! Who cares if you disagree. You are not me! Who made you king of anything!!”

So here it is, I’ll share with you because this may be just what you need too

Epic Fail

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Sooo this is me.. accepting failure.  I’m not very good at it.  I said I was going to write everyday, or post a picture, or post something… EVERY.DAY.  I haven’t done anything since January 11th.  So that puts me where… a solid 2 weeks out of my goal. Guess that pep talk worked wonders.

I thought about posting a picture everyday that I couldn’t write, but then I worried maybe people would get sick of the pictures.  Or what if I had a bad day and all I wanted to do was bitch about something that ruined all my motivation to write, go to the gym, clean my house… who wants to read that crap?

I’ve realized though, who cares… I can write what I want, when I want, about what I want.  Trying to be a little more frequent and don’t you worry… I am right back on Match.com so I am sure there are plenty fun stories to come.  I think I still owe you all the one about the guy with DUI.  Yeah that’s a good one, that one is up next.

But if you ever get bored, here are a few favorite reads I subscribe to:

My crazy sister and her attempts to be as cool as me 

The awesome adventures of my Special Friend who is spending a year traveling the world

The journey through life, shared by a good friend and her sister

Sonrisas & Pura Vida.

Its just another trip around the sun

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So we are a week in to 2012 and I still feel like I am plowing through life at high speed.  Its been like this for several weeks now.  Everyday there are so many things to do, places to be, meetings, friends, family stuff, personal stuff… all kinds of STUFF!!

So my goal, starting tomorrow, is to slow it all down.  The holidays are over, all of my trips have been taken and now its time for me to take care of myself.  Its time to get back to running and I am so excited!! Its time to eat healthier, not because its a New Year’s resolution, but because my body needs it.  Its time to save money, because the next big trip is taking me to Austria!  Its time to enjoy life one minute at a time.

2011 was amazing to me!! I went to Costa Rica to see friends and fell in love with the country all over again.  I went to Minneapolis for the first time and met my Grandmother’s younger sister.  I went with 4 of my favorite people to New Orleans for my birthday, saw the Saints play and partied my butt off in an amazing city! My best friend and her husband had an amazing little boy, Trip.  There were other babies, weddings & engagements that made my heart happy.  I met two wonderful ladies who have become two of the best friends I could ever ask for.  I have been taught some tough lessons, but they have only made me stronger.  I was reminded how amazing it feels to fall head over heels for someone again, even if it doesn’t work out in the end. I road tripped it to San Antonio with my cousins, helping them move the whole family and we met every obstacle possible along the way.

I know I haven’t even begun to name all the amazing things I have accomplished in the year, but its a start.  And thats what this blog is for, the good, bad, embarrassing and crazy antics that I am sure 2012 has in store for me. This is the year to knock a few more things off the bucket list, travel to new places, and make some big changes.  So bring it on 2012… I’m ready for my next trip around the sun!